Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   The road to success is dotted with many tempting parking spaces.

   When the new girl wants to spend the night; “the couch pulls out, but I don’t.”

   I dance like a car dealership’s inflatable tube man.

   Now that the statues are down, tell us how your life has improved. Take your time, I’ll wait.

   Silver Alert: Elderly white male, early dementia, yells “C’mon Man!”

   If you've ever used the word welp, there's no need for the rainbow flag.

   Landline phones never get destroyed in washing machines.

   Do you ever think for yourself? CNN viewer: “No, I have television for that.”

   the FBI going to raid the house of the reporter who published the Alito opinion? Or is that just reserved for the reporters who got Ashley Biden’s diary.

   Gaslighting ~ people who try to control others through manipulation will often accuse you of behaviors that they are engaged in themselves. A classic manipulation tactic ripped right from the leftist playbook.

   Always borrow money from a pessimist. He won’t expect it back.

   Good morning, I saw your Biden yard sign, so I know you’ll buy whatever kind of crap I’m selling.

   “Goats are like ducks, if you shoot a duck, I’m scared of toasters, c’mon man.” ~ Joe Biden

   Hide inside your friend’s toothpaste tube to give them a mysterious minty fresh surprise.

   Grown men who call their parents mommy and daddy can kill you with their bare hands and won’t even say a cuss word while they’re doing it.

   Fauci recommends stopping spread of Monkeypox by covering eyes, ears and mouth.

   Do you remember Jan. 6th last year? Yeah, 2.19 a gallon.

   LGBTQ=Lets Get Biden To Quit !

   Impressing a girl who owns cats on our date by eating so fast I throw up.

   There is no such thing as having too much cheese.