Funny Status Messages



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   messageicon Good morning, l*fticles... let the meltdown begin!
←Rate | 03-23-2025 06:50 Comments (0)  


   messageicon I'm kind of regretting my "Myspace Rules!" tattoo on my calf.
←Rate | 11-12-2025 06:41 Comments (0)  


   messageicon When you clean out a vacuum cleaner, you become a vacuum cleaner.
←Rate | 02-12-2026 05:37 Comments (0)  


   messageicon I have come to the conclusion I will never achieve my dream of being a Soul Train dancer...
←Rate | 04-29-2022 19:36 by Rick Comments (0)  


   messageicon Do you think that Chinese tourists that come here are disappointed when they buy a souvenier and then see where it was made?
←Rate | 08-16-2023 08:54 Comments (0)  


   messageicon So, the CIA can hack into my TV and listen to every word I say, but McDonald’s can’t hear me say “no pickles,” through their drive-thru speaker?
←Rate | 03-29-2025 12:24 Comments (0)  


   messageicon When a woman says, "Correct me if I'm wrong", do not under any, I mean any circumstances do it.
←Rate | 03-27-2024 06:09 by GaryKoenig Comments (0)  


   messageicon Marriage tip: Anytime you tell your wife to do something, use your Male-dominated voice and finish it by saying "I HAVE SPOKEN!!!" She will then realize that you are always right, and she will go do what you asked her to do.
←Rate | 03-19-2023 10:01 by GaryKoenig Comments (0)  


   messageicon I grilled a chicken for two hours, but I couldn't get it to sing.
←Rate | 03-01-2022 17:20 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Dem women are disgusting.
←Rate | 03-23-2025 06:38 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Ford is moving four factories back to the USA opening up 25,000 jobs. But please, keep telling me tariffs don't work.
←Rate | 03-28-2025 15:05 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Oops! Mommy's little darling is up and at it. By up and at it, I mean doing daddy in the shower. His name is Barron.
←Rate | 03-29-2025 11:58 Comments (0)  


   messageicon It's still hard to believe that this is all self-imposed. Everything that's happening right now wasn't the result of some foreign adversary destroying the country. You did this to yourselves by electing the dumbest motherfocker to ever rule a nation 🤡
←Rate | 04-09-2025 00:49 Comments (0)  


   messageicon I hate when people say "Act like an adult". Have you seen adults lately? That's horrible advice!
←Rate | 02-11-2026 05:30 Comments (0)  


   messageicon I subscribed to Bass Pro Shop's newsletter, but I haven't been able to read it because I don't open fishing emails
←Rate | 03-28-2025 15:42 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Did you hear the latest ICE joke? It's a riot!!!
←Rate | 06-13-2025 21:21 Comments (0)  


   messageicon I'm at the point in life where the hottest text I get is: "Your prescription is ready for pick up"
←Rate | 02-12-2026 07:04 Comments (0)  


   messageicon What if the Indiana Jones movies are just the dreams of Han Solo while he's frozen in carbonite?
←Rate | 02-17-2026 11:00 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Pee-Wee Herman died. In lieu of flowers, buy a ticket to the adult movie theater
←Rate | 07-31-2023 20:05 by Eddy Comments (0)  


   messageicon If you honk at me .025 seconds after the light turns green I'm going to put my vehicle in park, adjust my seat, check my tire pressure, change my oil, return some emails, eat a snack, read a book, brush my teeth, nap, and build a LEGO set.
←Rate | 02-16-2024 05:43 by GaryKoenig Comments (0)  




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