Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   Ciabatta… Italian for stale bread

   Answering your cell phone when you don't recognize the number is like picking up a hitch-hiker.

   Q. How does a non-binary kill someone? A. They slash Them

   Remember making up fake rules when there is a substitute teacher?

   I’m not wishing anyone a Happy Thanksgiving, I hope your gravy gives you diarrhea.😜

   God does love gays, but only if they are tops.

   Girlfriend: “Does this dress make me look fat?” Me: “Stop blaming the dresses.

   I had two ribs removed so I could pet small dogs easier.

   I don't understand how I feel like crap and am sick all the time when I drink 8 glasses of water a year like they tell us to .

   No, there is no indication that the current Kentucky Governor, Andy Beshear, has removed or gotten rid of tornado sirens. In fact, Kentucky emergency officials emphasize that sirens are a vital part of the warning system, particularly for those outside in

   I've abused my body so much,the back of my drivers license has a list of Organs I Need !

   I wonder what people who type "u" instead of "you" do with all their free time.

   Your military is a joke now. Veterans who received the Purple Heart, now being denied death benefits by a draft dodger lol. At least we take care of our own.

   Condolences to all the church sanctioned pedophiles, your Pedo king has died .

   Those people aren't attacking Telsa dealerships. They are tourists showing love. I learned that on January 6th 2021.

   He won Kentucky by 26 points then immediately disabled their tornado warning systems, leading to 18 deaths. Hahahahaha. As someone who doesn't live there, in that country I mean, I finally news like this very, very entertaining and funny 😂

   6 am too early to drink

   Santa, no matter what my wife says, I have been very good this year.

   All I do is work, sleep, and eat. And I'm still broke, sleepy, and hungry.

   Marriage tip: Always keep your spouse as the center on your phone. That way, whenever you need some encouragement, you can look at your phone and say, "Man, if I can put up being married to this person for so long, I can get through anything".