Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   Women who aren't into sports are way more feminine and don't have smelly you-know-whats.

   The 4Bs explained: Bread, Bacon, Beef, Bread. Make me a sammich.

   When the moon in your eye is at just 6:25, It's December.

   Electric cars are the future. Just not Musk's electric cars. Tesla is done. Buh bye

   If the US held a femininity contest between Trump and Vance, they'd both lose based on make-up application alone.

   A hypnotist made me believe I was a bendable metal with an atomic number of 82. I’m easily lead.

   Watching the matrix oh wait no, this is my facebook new feed.

   Inuendo - what else, but an Italian name for Preparation H.

   Jaws 3-D (1983): shark with no connection or knowledge of either of the first 2 sharks avenges their deaths, wearing 3-D glasses.

   Just because your p*ssy's wet doesn't t mean it's good. Trash bags leak too.

   If you're not M^G^, you're F^G^.

   Pro Tip: Never make snow angels in a Dog Park.

   Winter's coming. Bright side...Taylor Swift albums make excellent kindly.

   To be a parent you have to be very patient who here considers themselves to be very impatient. Me too

   Today's advice: sing Christmas songs at work until they send you home.

   If I was a bartender, anytime someone asked for a drink I would say “Why don’t you take a pitcher, it’ll last longer.”

   Would you rather be Whoopi Goldberg’s gynecologist or a Chiefs fan?

   My level of sarcasm is to the point where I don't even know if I'm kidding or not.

   If you see me in the next few days, just assume I’m either shopping, wrapping, baking, or pretending I’m not panicking.

   I'm mad about how fast my life went from MySpace to MyChart.