Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   To whom it may concern, If you are reading this, that means there’s not a thing you can do about it now.

   I'm so embarrassed to be a US citizen now.

   The USA is embarrassed that you're a citizen.

   Big investigation to see how much insider training was done. This is huge.

   As I sit here kind of hazy, I wonder is it me, or all the rest who are crazy?

   We cannot direct the wind, but we can adjust the sails!

   I wish I was a broad so I could look at my b00bs. Wait. I have b00bs. Never mind.

   I got tazed in the zoo again for telling a group of kids that an angry giraffe is called a grrraffe.

   Summer is just around the corner. I can tell because the UPS guy asked me to put sun block on his legs.

   Beedo Boop Bop Beeda Beep Boop Lop Bleeda Bee eezz ... you've got mail !!

   it considered sexual assault if a midget walks up to you and says you hair smells nice?

   Kid: Do you like corn on the cob? Me: I like it in my mouth! Ha ha.

   So does the voice that gives us the weather warnings have a name??

   Anyone know when the monkeypox stimulus checks hit?

   “I never go through the express lane when I exceed the product number limit” -me, flirting

   Bl@cks were given Bl@ck History Month because Father's Day doesn't exist for them.

   I am positive that there isn't life on any other planets ! If there was Trudeau would have sent them money

   My "Kiss me, I'm Irish" shirt only seems to be working on my dog

   I finally realized it... People are prisoners of their phones. That's why they are called cell phones.

   He's never won against a man. Lolllllll