Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   People aren’t really mad when you say, “Let’s Go Brandon.” They’re mad because you’re having fun when they spent four years being angry and joyless.

   Son: Mom, what does “woke” mean? Mom: It’s a parents shocking realization that her kids are being taught extremist bull-crap.

   Everything we hear is an opinion, not a fact. Everything we see is a perspective, not the truth.

   Innocent child dies horrifically. Oompa Loompas: Time for a song and dance.

   If your cup is only half full, you probably need a new bra size.

   Trans species man who self-identifies as a deer accidentally shot by hunters. Rest in pieces.

   I don’t trust children. They’re here to replace us.

   A lot of people don’t struggle with depression, they struggle with the reality we live in.

   Remember kids, if she has an apple, she has a banana.

   It’s amazing that the amount of news that happens in the world every day always just exactly fits in the newspaper.

   Gas prices hit a new record high and Biden cancelled lease sales for oil and gas on more than a million acres on the same day.

   Welcome to Oregon, tampons are in every boy’s bathrooms.

   Gavin Newsome savagely mocked for claiming men can’t get pregnant.

   You can't sell electric cars if gas is cheap. If you don't think that's part of the plan, you're not paying attention.

   You had me at “I hate everyone too.”

   Tell us more about your welp...

   According to a new survey, 90% of men say their lover is also their best friend. Which is really kind of disturbing when you consider man’s best friend is his dog.

   You’ve got to be very careful if you don’t know where you are going, because you might not get there.

   Good advice is something a man gives when he is too old to set a bad example.

   Everything I know about dancing I learned from the Charlie Brown Christmas party