Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   The left in charge of every branch of power and the economy is tanking. Biden, I’d like to take a moment to blame the right.

   Disney announces new 2022 LGBTQ+ clothing line for kids.

   Having a smoking section in a restaurant is like having a peeing section in a pool.

   Does anyone know how long you can put chicken in the freezer? I put one in last night and it was dead this morning.

   Being forced to watch the Feds spend billions of your tax dollars on a corrupt foreign war while struggling with record high inflation.

   You didn’t think the left would give up their thought police monopoly without a fight, did you? ~ Feds open investigation into Elon Musk.

   If you’re taller than 6 foot, your pronouns are fi-fi-fo-fum.

   If you love something set it free, but don’t be surprised if it comes back with herpes.

   Accomplishing the impossible means the boss will add it to your regular duties.

   A trans four year old is like a vegan cat. We know who is making the choices.

   I follow the call of the disco ball.

   The greatest thing that we can do for our children, is to abolish the department of education and toss it on the ash heap of history.

   In 1929, the Soviet Union established gun control. From 1929 to 1953, about 20 million dissidents, unable to defend themselves, were rounded up and exterminated.

   Adult videos gives young people an unrealistic idea of how fast a plumber will come to your house.

   If life was fair, Elvis would be alive, and all the impersonators would be dead.

   If you think you have it tough, read history books.

   My current mood would not get a good Yelp review.

   The View: Vicious, Insane, Egotistical, Woman.

   Autocorrect makes me say things I didn’t Nintendo.

   The word abbreviation sure is long for what it means.