Funny Status Messages and Tweets
Funny Status Messages for Facebook, Discord, and Whatsapp and funny tweets for Twitter.
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Every so often, I try to fornicate a large word into conversation,, even if I'm not sure what it means 
If I'm ever in jail my one call is going to be to the Kool Aid guy.
The hardest part of parenting is standing idly by while your children build a mediocre couch fort.
I miss being in a relationship. Could 1 of you girls come over here and yell at me, treat me like shi t and not sleep with me? It might help.
It would be great if there was an app that deletes your phone number from other people's phones.
My anaconda really doesn't care if you got buns or not.
There is a company called Kia and a company called Nokia. I’m not sure who to believe.
I hate spelling errors so much. You mix up two letters and your whole post is urined
I wish my wife would look at me the way Biden looks at the back of Obamas head.
I paid attention to the construction signs and got in the correct lane. You ignored them for miles and now you want me to let you in. Not gonna happen.
We live in a world in where it is easier to get out of a marriage than a mobile-phone contract.
When I arrive at work, how long can I spend screaming in my car before it becomes weird?
If they feel the need to point out your flaws, THEY might be your biggest one.
Hey Gotham City criminals, why isn’t the first thing on your to-do list “Unplug the Bat Signal”?
Let's declare the U.S.-Mexico border a National Park. That way, it will be closed.
Life would be so much more fun if there were random Dukes of Hazzard style car ramps along the drive to work.
I wonder if Eric Clapton really thought she looked Wonderful or was it just the 20th outfit she'd tried & he just wanted to get to the party
If you think people are stupid, randomly post "Happy Birthday" wishes on peoples FB page and see how many others tell them happy birthday.
Did we ever get rid of that ozone layer or are we still worried about that
I force my dog to watch animal abuse commercials just to show him how good he has it. 