Funny Status Messages

   to work because the kids need new leg irons.

   All this 'get on my level' $hit seriously... get ya head out ya a$$, no one cares about your make believe levels of life.

   Why did the little girl blush when she opened the fridge?...She saw the salad dressing!!

   finds it funny in the movie "did you her about morgans" sarah jessica parker is chasing a horse its like Pepé Le Pew chasing the cat

   facebook – Never letting you forget any of the douchebags you've fuct

   I just saw a message in my alphabet soup. It says OOOOOO. Oh wait….I'm eating Cheerios

   The chicken and the egg are laying in bed. The chicken  is smoking a cigarette with a satisfied smile on its  face while the egg is frowning and looking slightly annoyed. The egg mutters ‘Well I guess that answers t

   ...thinks the "vamps" in Twilight and New Moon look like a cross between The Cure & NSYNC..ooohh..such shiny white fangs too!

   Shout out to all the girls who know how to arch that back right when you giving her back shots

   The term SWAG originated in the 1500's ... the only thing secretly gay is you.

   Simon Cowell is worse than cow dung and dog vomit combined.

   Nobody ever lost money overestimating the fatness of Americans.

   And if I had a gun, with two bullets, and I was in a room with Kanye West, Kim Kadarshian and Internet Explorer, I would shoot Internet Explorer twice.

   If you're offended so quickly and don't get sarcasm, it means you have no sense of humour and ruin everyone elses humor.

   If we are what we eat... I'm fast, cheap and easy.

   Plastic surgery Allows you the rare opportunity to make your inner appearance resemble your inner appearance. Fake.

   Guns don't kill people. Bullets do!

   I like to just hang around the playground, watching the kids running and screaming. They don't know I'm just using blanks.

   I wait for my cat. His litter box is right beside our toilet. When he shows up we do a synchronized poop, high five and then share a can of tuna.

   Yes tomorrow is Friday. Big f-ing deal. It happens every week. Deal with it.