Funny Status Messages and Tweets
Funny Status Messages for Facebook, Discord, and Whatsapp and funny tweets for Twitter.
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Been doing the Shake Weight thing all morning. Think I may go buy one now... 
I can't believe that it's the year 2012, and I still have to bend down to pick stuff up.
I guess I should come up with a plan B in case the murderer that breaks into my house figures out how to get this blanket off of me.
wondering what to do. I used my last Post-It Note and have no idea how to remind myself to get more...
Watching a funny movie after a scary one to try to reduce the risk of nightmares.
Why are the first tissues the hardest to get out of the box? I just need one, not ten...
The number one song on the day I was born was "Who cares" by the "Waste of times".
It's better to cross the line and suffer the consequences than to just stare at the line for the rest of your life.
Just another day in paradise, minus the paradise...
Bank robbers give a bad name to people who just want to deposit their check with a mask on, like me.
I like to walk around the house naked. Until the neighbours chase me back inside.
My hubby is on suicide watch ... All because I reminded him that we vowed to be together 'Til Death do us part'!
Regardless of how much it snows...there is always a guy trying to drive around in his no-wheel drive camero or mustang
I wear glasses because I like to dramatically remove them to display anger. It was awkward doing that with contact lens...
Kanye West 'hospitalised in Los Angeles'. Our thoughts and prayers go out at this difficult time to the hospital staff.
Based on the sounds coming from my neighbors house, they're either having amazing sex or putting together a dresser from Ikea.
If I post something that you don’t like, just ignore it like you ignore the corruption of the government.
Do our elected officials even know what their Job Description is? I'm pretty sure it doesn't include ignoring and trashing the Constitution!
According to WebMD, MedicineNet, Healthline, Mayo Clinic, Symptom Checker, NetDoctor, MedlinePlus, Johns Hopkins and InfoMedNet, I'm OCD.
Shout out to the post office for delivering my recycling to me every day. 