bill Funny Status Messages

   Weiner's wife is pregnant! Didn't know that was possible on twitter! From now on I'm wearin a condom when I tweet!

   $60 to fill my gas tank last night. It's the apocalypse!!! I'm going to Walmart, buying me a water hose and I'm going on a siphon spree.........

   Please note: If you're thinking you will be raptured at 6pm, I'm willing to take care of your Farmville operation. I'll just need your facebook log-in and password.......

   I had a thought......Maybe instead of defunding Sesame Street, we should defund Pakistan. F them losers!!

   Kids, watch out for Obama supporters! They'll take half your Easter eggs and give it to the kids who were too lazy to hunt for their own.........

   I think Tupac should win a Hologrammy for his Coachella performance......

   If all this Global Warming keeps up, I think Atlanta may have to add to it's fleet of 8 snow-plows......

   Obama: "We Must Punish Our Enemies" American Teabaggers and GOP candidates are enemies of the Latino people??? This DUDE is the Anti Christ.......

   70 years after WW2, and LeBron James has America rooting for the German. SMH, Congratulations Mavericks......

   It seems this town is full of exhausted plumbers, well that is what I think they are anyway... Their pants are drooping off and their hats are turned sideways.... Take a rest guys

   making some changes in his life. If your not on my friends list any longer, you were one of the changes........

   News Flash: Bears in Yosemite rejoicing over possible government shutdown.

   I Haven't been to church in a couple years, sure hope I don't catch on fire........

   Happy Easter and remember kids, watch out for Obama supporters. They will take 1/2 your eggs and give them to the kids who were to lazy to hunt for their own......

   Glad I noticed it's Ash Wednesday so I don't tell someone they have dirt on their forehead...

   Ozzie Guillen is going off the rails on a crazy train........

   Good morning. Are you having TSA fantasies?

   Well, at least we'll get to see the new "Pirates of the Caribbean" movie before the Rapture. Woulda been a shame to miss that one.

   Fathers Day....the most confusing day in the hood!!!

   President Obama is celebrating Black History Month, but just for the first two weeks.........