Funny Status Messages and Tweets
Funny Status Messages for Facebook, Discord, and Whatsapp and funny tweets for Twitter.
Page: 5 of 6373
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Life would be easier if we all had a video game health bar above our heads letting everyone know how close we are to a meltdown.
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01-07-2023 12:28
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Please don’t ride with me if you’re going to grab the dash and scream every time I run off the road. It makes me nervous.
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01-07-2023 14:29
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Dads tell cheesy jokes not because humor gets worse with age, but because the more life experience you have, the more value you place on anything that might make someone laugh, even if it’s at your own expense.
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01-13-2023 02:16
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This recipe calls for leftover bacon, and it might as well call for dragon tenderloin or bigfoot steaks.
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01-13-2023 02:27
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Grocery shopping is a constant battle between not buying snacks, so you won’t be tempted and being angry that there’s nothing to eat.
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01-18-2023 01:01
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Whistleblower comes forward with claims that strangers drag him from place to place, make him sign papers, read words on monitors and he hardly gets any ice cream.
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05-22-2022 03:45
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An idea: “Broke Back Mountain 2” all female cast. This would smash all box office records.
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06-05-2022 02:54
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I was born a male and I identify as a male, but according to Stouffers portions, I'm a family of four.
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06-07-2022 12:07
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Australian Kiss ~ Kind of like a French kiss, but down under.
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06-23-2022 01:23
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They’re not red flags, they’re fun facts about me.
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06-24-2022 23:15
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What does the sign on the out-of-business brothel say? Beat it, we’re closed.
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06-26-2022 00:12
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I grew up with six siblings. That's how I learned to dance, waiting for the bathroom.
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07-23-2022 23:28
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Stop trying to please people who don’t like you and embrace the joy of being the most annoying person they’ve ever met. 😊
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01-24-2023 00:18
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Apparently, “the vibes are off” isn’t a good enough excuse to leave work early.
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04-22-2022 00:13
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Cats are starting pyramid schemes and dogs are falling for them.
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04-22-2022 23:19
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You don’t lose friends. You lose undercover haters. Real friends can never be lost.
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01-07-2023 15:00
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I like staying home, because as soon as I step outside, I spend $100.00
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01-08-2023 01:35
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When you tell your girl to shave her baby maker and you wake up bald.
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01-18-2023 01:21
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Nothing brings more peace, when you stop giving a f*ck.
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01-18-2023 18:49
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Drivers ignoring winter conditions, may be subject to natural selection.
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01-06-2023 19:59
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