Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   What's so bad about the Zika virus anyway? Some people like a little head.

   Usain Bolt is the world's fastest man, but if they had a sex olympics my husband would be in the hunt for the title.

   Jimmy Fallon is boring.

   I live in Los Angeles. We already have Taco Trucks on every corner, and it's wonderful!!!

   After it was announced that 29 people were Injured in the NY Bombing, Presidential Candidate Gary Johnson was Thankful that ‘Nobody Got Hurt’

   "Sitting on a sofa on a Sunday afternoon. Going to the candidates' debate. Laugh about it, shout about it When you've got to choose Every way you look at this you lose" - Simon and Garfunkel (1968)

   my left ovary feels sore. like it was working out. I guess I would say its ovary active.

   I'm so old when I was a kid the only kind of positive post we knew was on a car battery.

   Ask Alexa "Do (state a color or race) lives matter?" and listen to the different responses...

   OK. Who is the genius that decided to call it "Toilet Paper" and not "Butt Napkins"?

   How policies suddenly change once you get elected: We gonna keep the Obamacare and we gonna legalize some undocumented immigrants. Yes you gonna get the change that you voted for.

   It's not that easy to not think about Donny all day. I mean you too would be constantly worried if you left a loony in charge of your house and kids.

   I may be crazy, but I'm not, "Of course I'd lease an office in the new One World Trade Center" crazy.

   Fun Things to Cry Out during Sex : "Oooh" "Eeeh" "Oooh" "Ahhh, Ahhh" "Ting" "Tang" "Walla Walla Bing Bang"

   Devin Nunes wants a closed interview of all the top microwave manufacturers.

   Choked on my coffee this morning so I guess I'm done for my daily cardio.

   My Ex was so ugly that when she went to a nude beach she was asked to cover her face

   This entire gender neutral thing has gone too far. I just saw a commercial on tv for Mama John's.

   Worlds shortest joke- "Two women are sitting quietly"

   Kayne West says slavery was a choice for the blacks. Yeah, Kanye is real normal alright.