Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   Because of Harry Potter a whole generation of boys learned it was good to read. And to master control of one's wand.

   Big girls don't cry. Well, not tears. It's a combination of chocolate, movie popcorn butter, and broken dreams.

   Dear grown folks, Stop going broke trying to look rich and act your WAGE:)

   My girlfriend has crabs, I bought her fishnet stockings.

   Take it Kevin Costner's been fired then...

   Dear radio stations, You do know there are more than 5 songs in the world, right? Sincerly annoyed listeners.

   If you watch the Titanic backwards..Its about a magical boat that saves people

   Beer is now cheaper than GAS! Drink don't Drive...

   When I'm having a day sometimes I go to WalMart and just smile and show off my teeth.

   The number one thing on my bucket list; not dying!

   before getting married there are 2 words a man must know that are crucial to his survival....."Yes Dear"........

   Priscilla Chan is to Mark Zuckerberg as Yoko Ono is to ...

   Remember, You're only young once, but you can be immature forever.

   Dubstep is just dance music with Touretts Syndrom.

   Sometimes I put laxatives in my dishwasher to help relax my bowls.

   A young boy said to his mother, 'How old were you when I was born?' His mother replied, '23.' 'Wow, that's a lot of time we missed spending together.'

   If a cop pulls you over and asks for papers, he does not mean the zig zag papers.... :/

   Trump tells GOP lawmakers they need to respect the wishes of the people that got them elected. I think he means the Kremlin.

   Trump is spending the entire day today fishing. For compliments.

   When your lawyer's, lawyer needs a lawyer. You know things must be bad.