Funny Status Messages
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Its a shame when BLM cant read their own signs 
Fun Fact: The 2nd amendment is why we have the other 26 amendments
If you aren't on the Grand Jury in Louisville then your opinion is $hit...
The higher the crime rate in an area the better the chicken wings
Wow! That shirt is hideous!!! It really compliments your face.
why is it that when I see a pregnant woman and her man, I always tend to picture them having sex??
Beer doesn't make you fat. It makes you lean (against tables,chairs,etc).
wondering if Tiger Woods is dreaming of a White Mistress?
A pedestrian just hit me and went under my car.
Man Ive been sniffling, sneezing, coughing, aching, have a stuffy head, and a fever... is there any kind of medication that I can take for that and it will help me rest???
You know, somebody actually complimented me on my driving today. They left a little note on the windscreen, it said 'Parking Fine.' So that was nice.
¡ǝɯıʇ ǝɯɐs ǝɥʇ ʇɐ ʞooqǝɔɐɟ ǝsn puɐ puɐʇspuɐɥ ɐ op ʎןןɐuıɟ uɐɔ
It's official Bert & Ernie has been sharing the same bedroom for 40 years now! Happy 40th Birthday Sesame Street.
I got me some new underwear today! Well they're new to me anyway...
If you eat smores with a knife and fork you have no soul.
You dont have to be a mule to be an ass
Life is like a roller coaster. You can either scream every time there is a bump or you can throw your hands up and enjoy the ride.
SEX- now that I have your attention....(real status)
I have a ton of leftover horse. I guess I wasn't as hungry as I thought I was.
just downloaded this Lebron tone for my phone but I can't hear it cuz it doesn't have a RING! 