Funny Status Messages
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dreamt she was a muffler last night.... and woke up totally exhausted. 
Apparently getting naked and crawling on Santas lap saying " I've been a bad, bad girl" is not appropriate behavior at the mall. Who knew?
Exit Facebook, close laptop, get into bed, look at phone, check Facebook…
If you can't beat 'em cheat 'em -Harry Ried
What's the difference between pink and purple? The grip.
wished mosquitoes sucked fat instead of blood.
This little piggy went to market.This little piggy stayed at home.This little piggy had roast beef.This little piggy had none.And this little piggy had influenza A virus subtype hemagglutinin protein 1 neuraminidase protein 1.
Dear Saturday Morning, If at all possible, I would like to postpone our meeting until around 11AM as I have a conflicting appointment with Mr. Sandman
I decided to get in touch with my feminine side today. I made myself a sandwich.
I haven't bathed in so long I'm starting to smell European.
Breonna Taylor's family should have collected the 12 million from her drug pushing, boyfriend's family who fired at the officers first.
totally voting for Pedro
about to stick a pin in your voodoo doll... brace yourself..
Just spent 4 hours directing republicans to the correct voting location. Too easy lol
When a guy opens the door of his car for a girl, you can be sure of one thing, either the girl is new or the car is.
She asked me to kiss her like it was the first time either of us had ever kissed so I headbutted her, bit her lip twice and came in my pants
What's the difference between a puppy and a liberal? A puppy will eventually open its eyes and stop whining.
You know how to pi$$ a liberal off. Make sense. . .
would like to congratulate Amy Winehouse on 1 week of sobriety!!!
s wondering....now that the US has passed heath Care Reform I wonder when Rush Limbaugh is leaving the country? Not soon enough I'm sure 