Funny Status Messages

   FYI....If you are one of those who like the strong silent type....then you're gonna just love my farts!!

   Ok straight up, ladies. I love and respect all of you, but you all know how you can be when you're PMS'n. Do we really want a woman for president. I rest my case ! ! !

   My wife got in the shower with me this morning. She said “Mmm baby I want you to do bad things to me”. So I put shampoo in her eyes.

   WARNING! If you get an e-mail with the title of "Nude Photo of nancy peelosi" DO NOT OPEN IT! It IS a nude photo of nancy peelosi.

   Why are there 400 bills just sitting on that turtle, McConnell's desk? Talk about do nothing.

   Bernie Sanders is finally in 1st place...for the most missed votes in the 116th congress. (^_~)b

   if life aint crazy, you aint livin!!!

   you shouldn't listen to other people's foolishness. You should listen to mine.

   Falling in love is like getting drunk. you wake up with a horrible hangover, swearing that you'll never drink again ;-)*

   I believe in love at first sight which is why I quit looking homeless people in the eyes. Just can't risk it.

   Ladies if you want your man home more often in the next few months... Madden 11 is here... Oh and NFL SUNDAY TICKET ont be bad either!!!

   Having correctly predicted the vampire craze, I now boldly predict the next pop culture phenomenon. Butlers.

   Bills travel at twice the speed through the post than cheques.

   'It's not the crazy people I fear, but the large groups of normal ones! '' ~Shane Coleman

   sympathesizing with those who absolutely hate to waste SO much of their time by NOT placing a new roll of toilet paper onto the holder for the next person. She understands the stress one must go through in order to avoid this strenuous task!

   If you don't pay your exorcist you'll get repossessed.

   thinks chihuahuas are really regular size dogs in tight skin. All that made it out was their eyes! That would explain why they're so angry.

   Pandora just played songs from Footloose, Rocky and Top Gun. I am so ready to dance through a warehouse, chase a plane with a motorcycle, and fight a Russian now.

   I can finally use that one watch I never figured out how to adjust

   thinking the worst time to have a heart attack is during a game of charades