Funny Status Messages
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Walk a mile in my shoes... Then walk another mile... In fact, just keep the shoes and keep walking. 
No matter how old I get, I will always be overly excited when I receive a hand written letter in the mail.
My problem is that I appeal to everyone that can do me absolutely no good.
trying very hard to be the person her doctor medicates her to be.
Aren't the "good things that come to those who wait" really just leftovers from people who got there first?
"Side effects may include constipation or diarrhea." So what you're saying is I may or may not give a sh*t.
those bootyshorts really compliment your tiger stripes
Life is the art of drawing without an eraser.
Life is a comedy for those who think... and a tragedy for those who feel.
"hi, you are through to the incontinence hotline..........can you hold please?"
Never mind being "Popular" in High School.... Now there's Facebook...
if at first you don't succeed, maybe you just suck!!!
As the light changed from red to green to yellow and back to red again, I sat there thinking about life. Was it nothing more than a bunch of honking and yelling? Sometimes it seemed that way...
I think you misunderstood me. I said "go phuck yourself" with a PH. So, that makes it cool and not remotely offensive... Phucktard.
Did you ever walk into a room and forget why you walked in? I think that's how dogs spend their lives...
tired of people giving me a skewed or heart-wrenching fact, then asking me to post it as my status, THEN mysteriously having the clarvoyance to tell me what percent of people won't post it as their status. HONK if this annoys you!
There are [0/1 (52x^7/2 – 66x^5/2 + 22x^3/2) / vx) dx] kinds of people in this World...Those who understand Calculus and those Who Don't !
A banker is a fellow who lends you his umbrella when the sun is shining, but wants it back the minute it begins to rain
just had a work email from someone asking to "bare with me" until the system is back up. I replied that I didn't see how nudity would fix the problem.
Thinks the person who came up with the phrase "some assembly required" never tried to assemble anything! 