Funny Status Messages

   There is a new scale that tells your weight about 50 lbs less..Its in an APP...for your phone.. Dont beleive me? Step on it and you will see !

   I've exercised with women so thin that buzzards followed them to their cars.

   Some say our national pastime is baseball. Not me. It's gossip.

   Lets just reveal each other's baggage on the first date and decide whether this romance is even worth pursuing.

   I like you so let's get this nightmare they call a relationship started.

   Why is it when you barely miss a 30 foot putt and everyone says it's a good putt? You make a 30 footer and everyone says it was luck…

   setting my timer to see how fast this weekend goes by

   With the right person, every inappropriate thing becomes appropriate.

   Women love compliments. Unless it’s about her hairy chest or her moustache. Then you’ll get hit in the face with a handbag.

   The best thing about not being with you, is not being with you.

   Excuse me Mr Zimmerman I know this isn't the right time but umm.. Who is that chick that sits behind you to the left?!!

   Companies that are using technology to go paperless aren't putting iPads in the toilet stalls for wiping.

   My Smart Phone has more computing power than NASA did in 1969 and they went to the moon. All I do is play Angry Birds. Yes, I'm an underachiever.

   We're sorry, but this funny p0st is not available from your country.

   Making home made Pop Tarts. I almost have it down, but getting the filling down to a thickness of 1/1,000,000 of an inch is becoming quite a challenge.

   we only have 4 months left of this year, and if that doesn't freak you out you're lying

   Judging by my friends getting married, finding your soulmate must make you fat.

   And A Big shout out to any FBI, CIA Or government office who happen to have me on some watch list, F*U* !

   It's a big turn off when a woman takes out a restraining order against you... but it's definitely not a deal breaker.

   If a relationship is when you think about them when they're far & you never want to leave them, then I'm in a relationship...with my bed.