Funny Status Messages

   Some people make me understand why monkeys throw their poo.

   How to Stop Cyber Bullying: 1. Close your laptop 2. You Win!!

   There is nothing better than waking up to morning sex, unless you wake up in prison.

   That annoying moment when two people start a conversation on YOUR Facebook status.

   The trouble with life is there's no background music

   Whoever is in charge of making sure I don't do dumb stuff is fired.

   It's normal for kids to play 'doctor.' Start worrying if you find them playing 'airport security.'

   Just when you think you have buried the past, They find another Body...

   I can't believe that it's the year 2010 and I still have to bend down to pick stuff up.

   "Until death do us part” means we're all single in heaven, right?

   Do fleas ever wonder if there's life on other dogs?

   say's never go to a Doctor whose plants are dead in the waiting room!

   thinks single-ply toilet paper should be a human rights violation.

   70% of you might think I'm being disingenuous when I say I'm surprised that you "like" my status...The other 30% are googling "disingenuous"...

   Iron Man is a superhero. Iron Woman is a command.

   There should be a statute of limitations on how long a person gets to blame their crappy childhood for their shortcomings.

   You know your'e getting old when you think an XBOX is where you keep your divorce papers.

   Ironically, it's really hard when you suffer from impotency

   ...and then Buffy staked Edward. The end

   I can almost always tell if a movie doesn't use real dinosaurs