roN Funny Status Messages

   wonders if people who use sign language are allowed to talk with their mouth full....

   How long a minute is, depends on what side of the bathroom door you're on..

   Going to: ❒ Paris ❒ New York ❒ London ✔ KITCHEN, I'm hungry

   What's drinking? A mere pause from thinking!

   FACEBOOK asks me what I'm thinking, TWITTER asks me what I'm doing, FOURSQUARE asks me where I am. Conclusion: Internet is my girlfriend!

   I think Fb is stupid. Last time I tried changing my password to penis and Fb said it 'wasn't long enough'. How the hell do they know?

   Everyone is entitled to be stupid, but some abuse the privilege.

   Saw a sign at the hospital that said "Family Planning.... Use Rear Entrance". I thought it was good advice.

   If there's one thing I know it's God does love a good joke.

   Love is an exploding cigar we willingly smoke.

   's friend was hit by a Dodge, which he/she found both funny and ironic.

   Falling in love is like getting drunk. you wake up with a horrible hangover, swearing that you'll never drink again ;-)*

   Religions change; beer and wine remain.

   I haven't spoken to my wife in years. I didn't want to interrupt her.

   a Blonde just texted me and asked "what does idk stand for? " I said "i dont know" she said "omg! nobody does!"

   thinks the fine people at Aleve are very wise indeed. For headaches, take two Aleve, and keep away from children.

   Everybody should believe in something; I believe I'll have another drink.

   Here's what I've learned about dogs: They're a lot like pretty girls. Having one or two around makes everything more fun, but when you get a whole bunch together, it turns into one big power struggle.

   I used to have a voice just like Justin Beiber, then I turned four.

   I hate it when people steal my ideas before I think of them.