Sully Funny Status Messages

   I bet Aaron Hernandez is pretty pumped he can legally marry his cell mate.

   These debates are cool, but I think Romney and Obama should just skip the last debate and do an episode of "Wife Swap" instead...

   For all of you Dads out there who went out for milk, and actually came back home -- HAPPY FATHER'S DAY......

   Black Friday? Don't they already get February?

   I'm not saying it's a bad idea to bring an Ebola patient to Atlanta, I'm saying everyone should leave Atlanta because I've seen this movie....

   I'm convinced these mosquitoes are on bath salts.....

   Rapture Prank: Put small piles of clothes around local churches the morning of 5/22 & record reactions : )

   Breaking News: NFL is going to investigate the Falcons for Domestic Violence against the Bucs...

   Hurricane Survival Pro Tip #2: If your neighbor is a jerk, point your patio umbrella at their windows. See what happens in 80mph winds......

   So much for my plans on surviving the zombie apocalypse on twinkies.

   I think my wife is mad at me...... so when she walks by, I do what any man would do in this situation: I PLAY DEAD!!!

   White smoke is coming out of my neighbor's house. He either elected a new Pope or he's got some good weed.

   I just dropped $2 somewhere under the passenger seat in my car, so I guess I have a savings account now.

   Relax, everyone.....The government that couldn't get a website to work has got this Ebola thing. Don't worry!!

   Asked my wife if she would be my friend on FB again, she said no. She said my "funny" status updates are annoying. Therefore, I must conclude she loves me for my body...

   Anyone else find it slightly suspicious that a massive plane's gone missing over the same ocean that Bin Laden's floating in.....?

   Apparently the NFL replacement Refs now work as tape-delay guys at Fox News....

   Hot dog warmers at Citgo seem to be rolling at half-speed tonight, must be in honor of Chavez?

   Captain Coward's excuse that he "fell into a lifeboat" is heading into "the dog ate my homework" territory.....Don'y you think?

   I hope that James Earl Jones will be narrating the rapture.....