Funny Status Messages

   If a bag is not resealable, it contains one serving.

   The furniture in Kung Fu Movies breaks so easily because it’s made in China.

   I panic at a lot of other places besides the disco.

   I’d like to thank my middle finger, for all those times sticking up for me when I needed it the most.

   At this point, conspiracy theories might as well be called spoiler alerts.

   Finally got 8 hours of sleep, it only took 3 days or whatever.

   There are some incredibly dumb people in this world. Thank you for helping me understand that.

   Stop trying to please people who don’t like you and embrace the joy of being the most annoying person they’ve ever met. 😊

   I fully intend to haunt people when I die. I have a list.

   Date a cat owner. They love something that doesn’t even like them back.

   Forest Grump: And just like that, having classified documents was perfectly acceptable. 😆

   My favorite color is freedom, so light up the sky like it’s the 4th of July.

   Whistleblower comes forward with claims that strangers drag him from place to place, make him sign papers, read words on monitors and he hardly gets any ice cream.

   China Hut: People that don’t like cats, just haven’t had them prepared properly.

   there anything I can destroy or eat in here? No? Well, you’re lucky to have me. ~ The Cat

   You’re about as useful as an ashtray on a motorcycle.

   The phrase "bang for your buck" isn't what I thought it was.

   Everything hits different when you’re not supposed to be doing it.

   There are two kinds of people when you explain that all drugs should be legal.

   The older you get, the better you get, unless you’re a banana.