GaryKoenig Funny Status Messages

   It's so strange to think before Facebook, all this nonsense just stayed in people's heads.

   Not funny... We sprung forward so hard we are back in winter!

   You can walk around Walmart and eat grapes and nobody bothers you, but as soon as you eat a rotisserie chicken, here comes security.

   Like I said before: Newsflash, I'm not going anywhere. In fact, the more ignorant you get, the stronger I get. So it doesn't do you any good to keep trying to attack me.

   I'm funny! And you better agree with it or I'll hold my breath for a long time!

   I eat bananas for the shape, not the taste.

   My wife is leaving me because I tell too many Star Wars puns. Divorce is strong with her.

   I'm gonna bake Valentine's Day cupcakes for a special someone today. That special someone is me.

   I give head.

   Marriage tip: If you need to ask your husband a question, but he's playing video games, simply unplug the wireless router. This will teach him that he needs to listen to you, and keep you as the center of his life.

   Hahaha 🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣 I'll take that! Like we can't screw this country up any more than it already is. #garykoenig2028

   When a woman laughs during an argument, please know that the psycho part of her brain has been activated. Abort mission.

   Whoever said, "Out of sight, out of mind" never had a spider disappear in the bedroom.

   Marriage tip: Every once in a while, call your wife by one of your ex girlfriend's names. This will help her realize that she's not the only woman on the docket, and that you're a great catch!

   Why don't the enemies of the Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles just flip them on their backs?

   Being kissed while you're asleep is one of the purest forms of love. Unless of course you're in prison.

   Look guys! I know I've been bad. I've said and posted things many of you have found to be unfavorable. However, with your help and a little bit of encouragement, I can become so much worse.

   I've been having some financial problems. I'm so broke I owe myself money.

   I swear all I do is work, come home, blink, and then I'm back at work again.

   Wife: Honey, does this make me look fat? Me: If you ran at the gym just like you run your mouth at home, you wouldn't have to ask that question.