Dopey420 Funny Status Messages

   Bill Clinton was recently seen smoking a pipe. When asked why he wasn't smoking a cigar he said, ''Cigars are for pu**ies." Clinton rules!

   Good health is merely the slowest possible rate at which one can die.

   Every day I am forced to add another name to the list of people who piss me off.

   A TV can insult your intelligence, but nothing rubs it in like a computer.

   why do all the new smartphones have porn on them? Who in their right mind is out in public thinking, "ya know i'd really like to jerk off right now"?

   Everybody in Chicago is moaning about the snow. Um it is winter and it is Chicago, what dou you expect? Sunshine and lollipops?

   I saw six men kicking and punching the mother-in-law. My neighbour said 'Are you going to help?' I said 'No, six should be enough.

   Stalking is such a strong word. I prefer extreme follow the leader :)

   Two winners for mega millions. One in Indiana and one in Michigan. I hope they both lose their tickets in the snow!

   Remember when someone annoys you it takes 42 muscles in your face to frown BUT it only takes 4 muscles to extend your arm and bi**h slap them!

   There is really a Miss Facebook beauty pageant. I wonder if the bathroom pictures are scored lower?

   Missing wife and dog. Reward for dog.

   Next up on espn , womans soc... click.

   When a man steals your wife, there is no better revenge than to let him keep her.

   A foolish man tells a woman to stop talking. A wise man tells her she looks extremely beautiful when her lips are closed.

   Two years ago I married a lovely young virgin, and if that doesn't change soon, I'm gonna divorce her.

   ⓘ ⓦⓐⓢ ⓑⓞⓡⓔⓓ, ⓢⓞ ⓘ ⓓⓔ©ⓘⓓⓔⓓ ⓣⓞ ⓟⓤⓣ ⓛⓔⓣⓣⓔⓡⓢ ⓘⓝⓢⓘⓓⓔ ⓑⓤⓑⓑⓛⓔⓢ.

   According to a new survey, 40% of adults in Mexico say they would move to the United States if they got a chance. The number would have been higher, but the other 60% already live here.

   57. Men marry because they are tired, women because they are curious; both are disappointed

   Go ahead, tell us everything you know. It'll only take 10 seconds.