DeeX Funny Status Messages

   Everyone's all "confederate flag" this, "gay marriage" that. And I'm just sitting here waiting for the new Minions movie to come out.

   Everyone becomes an air drumming master 3 minutes and 40 seconds into Phil Collins' "In the Air Tonight".

   can we PLEASE stop using the term “beast mode”? Unless you’re running around jungle, naked, stalking and killing animals with your bare hands and eating them raw, you’re NOT a beast, you’re just another douchebag lifting weights in the gym…tha

   Never date a woman over 35 whose cats are named after fashion designers.

   Today is the day that the Blues was made for. Thank you B.B. (Blues Boy) King for everything.

   Pimpin' actually is pretty easy and I'm getting tired of everyone saying otherwise.

   If you're married and having trouble, ask "what would Jesus do?" then remember that jesus was never married.

   All these folks (mainly women) wanting to see a 50 Shades of Gray movie or Magic Mike 2. Should we tell them they can watch MUCH better porn online for free?

   How can you be a "natural" bodybuilder if you're cramming your body with protein powders, amino acids, and all other kinds of supplements?

   97% of women over the age of 25 who have "never done that before" have done that before.

   THE POWER OF THE WINKY FACE: We need whipped cream. We need whipped cream ;)

   Her: Who's your favorite Kardashian? Me: Gul Dukat.

   Yea, gun control is awesome...if you're the one controlling the guns.

   Man, I beat my meat like I just caught it breaking into my apartment.

   The most realistic part of Avengers: Age of Ultron was Ultron deciding the human race must be destroyed after spending a few hours on the Internet.

   Sweatin' like a Catholic Priest at a Little League game.

   Just saw my ex with her new man and had to smile because I KNOW there's not a place on her he can kiss that hasn't been coated by my man gravy. :)

   I would 100% support legislation to make it mandatory for all public restrooms be equipped with flushable baby wipes. :-)

   Her: Real men like curves. Me: No. Real men like whatever the (bleep) they want.

   Music should come in 3 genres: music you fight to, music you f#@k to and music you speed to.