Funny Status Messages

   relieved to see Facebook finally expanded the Religion choice to include Amish, for all those Amish people out there with computers.

   When I go running, I usually meet new people..... like paramedics.

   You women may be surprised to learn that making us sleep on the couch isn't that bad. It's kinda manly, makes us feel like we are camping.... with a really angry bear near by.

   it's funny how social networking has made people more antisocial.

   I just taped magnets to the bottom of my empty coffee cup and attached it to the top of my car... Can't wait to see how many people will try and flag me down...

   I saved a bunch of money on Valentines Day by switching to single.

   My phone just autocorrected kindergarten to Kardashian and that, people, is exactly what is wrong with this world.

   Pirates that used X to mark the spot were stupid. If they had used a G, nobody would ever have found their treasure.

   Jello is just kool-aid...with a hard on...

   Playboy doesn't show nudes. MTV doesn't play music videos. The Learning Channel makes you dumber. What happened to the world

   I bought a book on eBay called, "How to scam on eBay". That was 2 months ago, and it's not arrived yet

   Of course I'll attend your no alcohol, vegetarian Halloween party tonight. I'll be dressed as the Invisible Man.

   100 people get swine flu and everyone wears a mask... 1,000 people get aids and no one wears a condom... Makes you wonder a little...

   Saw a Chinese baby and a black kid wave at each other today. Gives me hope for the future. Or another Rush Hour movie

   Every day can be Friday if you're really irresponsible.

   remembers when Vampires were Scary, not Sexy...

   In high school I was voted "most likely to succeed". Boy, did I prove those idiots wrong!

   The party dont start till I log in.

   I feel sorry for the hypnotist I saw last night. He hypnotized 7 guys then dropped the mic on his left foot and yelled, "F*ck me." What happened next will haunt me for the rest of my life.

   Based on how I react when toast pops up, I will never look cool walking away from an explosion.