Funny Status Messages



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   messageicon Ninety percent of being an accountant is fighting off the babes...
←Rate | 09-26-2019 13:40 Comments (0)  


   messageicon My 12yr old just handed me his proofs from picture day but before I could open the envelope he says "First, let me explain"
←Rate | 10-02-2019 05:58 Comments (0)  


   messageicon If it says "typing" for more then 2 minutes... you're gonna have a bad time.
←Rate | 10-02-2019 06:02 Comments (0)  


   messageicon If you watch Wall-E backwards its about a little robot that would rather live alone forever than deal with fat people.
←Rate | 12-20-2019 09:19 Comments (0)  


   messageicon The fastest way to get to the front of the line at Starbucks is just to tell everyone you saw Adele outside.
←Rate | 07-03-2016 14:56 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Claiming a product promotes "Weight Loss" when combined with diet and exercise is like claiming that it grants wishes when used with a leprechaun.
←Rate | 07-19-2016 11:21 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Listening to the news right now .... I'm trying to figure out which ones are the "Real" and which are the "Fake" News Channels. Some are portraying Fidel Castro as a Champion of the People. Is that considered as Real or Fake News?
←Rate | 11-26-2016 01:25 Comments (0)  


   messageicon This year I'm not giving up anything for Lent. I'm just giving up.
←Rate | 03-01-2017 06:43 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Day 3 of the flu is going well so far. I managed to brush my teeth without sneezing!!
←Rate | 03-08-2017 12:01 Comments (0)  


   messageicon There is nothing worse than a kid with a toy that makes noise.
←Rate | 05-31-2017 09:38 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Even to this day, I still can't remember that time I had amnesia.
←Rate | 07-26-2017 21:19 by BigToe Comments (0)  


   messageicon I no longer question authority; I annoy authority. More fun, less effort.
←Rate | 08-16-2017 07:36 Comments (0)  


   messageicon 45 minutes ago I took a bite of celery. I'm still chewing.
←Rate | 08-24-2017 23:25 Comments (1)  


   messageicon Remember in your 20s when you sat upright to eat? Good times.
←Rate | 09-02-2017 07:10 Comments (0)  


   messageicon EXERCISE?? Shoot, I thought you said EXTRA PIES!!!
←Rate | 09-05-2017 11:10 by Fluff!! Comments (0)  


   messageicon Do you ever see your memories pop up here on Facebook and think to yourself "wtf was I thinking" I do. Just about every damn day.
←Rate | 09-11-2017 09:13 by Zach Comments (0)  


   messageicon Many people have told me that waking up at 5 in the morning to exercise makes you feel great..... But I think lying in bed for another 2 hours feels better. Just sayin'....
←Rate | 09-12-2017 18:36 by scstarman Comments (0)  


   messageicon 911: What's the emergency? Man: My wife keeps shining her laserlight pointer light on me. 911: How is that an emergency ? Man: Her laserlight pointer is attached to her gun.
←Rate | 09-12-2017 21:54 by Jake Comments (0)  


   messageicon I'm trying to see things from your point of view, but I can't stick my head that far up my arse
←Rate | 09-16-2017 14:45 Comments (1)  


   messageicon There is a new supermarket in town but I think it is run by the Mob. There are signs above the registers that say "12 items or else".
←Rate | 09-20-2017 08:15 Comments (0)  




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