GaryKoenig Funny Status Messages

   I said, "Alexa, what do women want"? The thing hasn't shut up for seven days.

   Memorizing pot hole locations is a must where I'm from.

   I'm a firm believer that every traffic jam begins with one idiot.

   People who work in customer service should be allowed to fight one customer per day.

   I never make the same mistake twice. I make it five or six times, just to be sure.

   I had a thought, and then I had another thought. They bounced off each other and now I can't find either one.

   When a woman asks you to guess her age, it's like deciding whether to cut the blue, red, or green wire to diffuse a bomb.

   If I truly posted what was on my mind, I'd most likely be in a psychiatric hospital right now.

   I didn't even realize how broke I was until someone stole my identity and it ruined their life.

   I don't want to be a millionaire. I just want enough money to be able to stare off into the distance while pumping my gas.

   Hi

   Marriage tip: If your wife is slumming it around the house, just use your "Male-dominated voice" to tell her to get up, and get to work. She will respect you, and get up and do her job.

   I was watching a TV show on the top ten ways to avoid a shark attack. I was shocked to hear that "stay out of the water" wasn't number one.

   Marriage tip: Make sure your wife always accommodates to your needs. "Honey, when you finish using the bathroom, you need to put the toilet seat back up".

   When I say, "I hate drama" I mean I hate being involved in drama. Other people's drama? Big fan!!!

   What a lucky week! First I win the lottery, and then some relatives I'd lost contact with got in touch.

   Just spent 45 minutes on the treadmill. Tomorrow my goal is to turn it on.

   I went to the paint store to get thinner. It didn't work.

   A true friend is someone who knows how crazy you are and is still willing to be seen in public with you.

   If there is no sound in space, is a fart on earth louder than a supernova?