Funny Status Messages and Tweets
Funny Status Messages for Facebook, Discord, and Whatsapp and funny tweets for Twitter.
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60% of women carry condoms. The other 40% carry babies. 
people will hate you, rate you, break you, and shake you. how strong you stand is what makes you.
Facebook should change the "Friends" section to "Friends & People I've Only Made Eye Contact With".
Jell-O: Doubling the global demand for supply of Vodka since 1923
... Dude, turn it down before your windows fall out.
looking forward to all of the job opeings after the rapture happens...
I believe the children are our future... and after my last trip to Wal-Mart... I believe our future looks bleak...
The Oscars are over. From now on, any reference to "The King's Speech" should only reflect the things Charlie Sheen says.
Technically all breakfasts are continental, unless you eat them in the ocean.
We get it, London, you're better at rioting than Vancouver, you can stop now.
My wife gave me a wonderful birthday present. She let me win an argument.
Remember on Saturday night to set you clocks back an hour and then on Tuesday, not to set the country back 50 years. .....
Make America a Constitutional Republic Again.
it true that the tons of confetti dropped at the Democrat National Convention was actually Hillary's shredded emails?
It's ALLOWED not ALOUD you moron.
Meanwhile the Kardashians are busy corrupting our young girls more than Trump and the Clintons put together. We need to take back some moral code in this country before it's too late...
... So .... According to his newly available 2013 tax return .... Trump paid only $40,000,000 in Federal taxes in 2013 ... A stark contrast to the $0.00 that the fake Propagandist News Media forces you to believe he paid.
I asked the waitress if I could ask her a question about the menu, please. She said the men I please is none of your business.
The Mexicans may not be happy with the building of trump's wall. But they will get over it.
FAT CHICKS ARE LIKE MOPEDS, THERE ARE FUN AND GAMES UNTIL YOUR FRIENDS CATCH YOU RIDIN ONE..... 