Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   When I was young, we didn't have MTV. We had to take drugs and go to rock concerts.

   The purpose of fruit flies; to make people look insane, grabbing at the air like they are hallucinating.

   Gotta [̲̅$̲̅(̲̅1̲̅)̲̅$̲̅] to make you Holler

   Ok, it's 2010...Where the hell is my jet pack?

   wondering if she should make an effort and pass her exams in case the world isnt ending in 2012

   Happy hump day! And no I don't mean Wednesday...

   Miley Cyrus awarding best original song at the Oscars...Irony defined?

   Heading out to do laundry with a roll of quarters in my pocket. I hope I dont run into anyone I am happy to see.

   the most successful people are those who are good at plan B.

   never knew Un Dos Tres were count of men. today ricky martin, tmrw jonas brothers!

   now answering the phone at work with the following greeting: "Mercy Hospital, Psychiatric Ward, Dr. Lechter speaking..."

   will take "same sh*t different day" for $200.00, please

   Paul the Octopus just got hired by the CIA ...

   Imagination is intelligence having fun.

   Superman's disguise sucks when I took my glasses off the police still knew it was me.

   Remember, they're laughing with you, not at you. They're only pointing at you so you know who they're laughing with.

   Don't you hate sitting in a chair after someone gets up and it feels like their a$$ must've been under a broiler?

   Only the brave men wear white underwear

   having people over for dinner. They asked what they could bring, I said dinner,

   I wish I was as dedicated to anything as much as I am to using movie lines in everyday conversation