Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   I went to a wedding last night and they played “The Twist” so I twisted, next they played “Jump around “ so I jumped around. Next they played “Come on Eileen “ I think you know where this is going.

   Japan has built humanoid robots to do construction work. The robots are so human like that they have three reports of sexual harassment.

   Maybe people would be more concerned about saving the planet if chocolate and coffee were on the endangered list.

   KFC Cashier: I hope your family enjoys this 12 piece meal Me: Family?

   Just once, I'd like to see a judge take the verdict slip from the jury, look at it, and then turn and say, "ARE YOU SHlT'N ME?!"

   This lifelong football fan now has an extra 3 hours to do projects and other tasks like shopping on Sundays from now on.

   When a “Baby On Board” sticker is a little faded and beat up you know the kid is at least a year or two old now and the car is safe to ram

   Facebook is mostly poIitics, pet lovers and dysfunctional insecure model wannabes.

   As I recall, A large part of parenting is pretending you don’t smell anything weird

   Lost my pizza cutter. So I used my Bryan Adam's C.D It cuts like a knife

   Forget dancing like no one is watching. Dance like a toddler. They don't even care if there's music....

   Diet Journal, May 10th: Ate 3 saltines like a wolf pack taking down a caribou.

   If Trump wins the election it'll be the first time in history that a billionaire moved into public housing vacated by a black family.

   is upset that facebook won't let him start a relationship with himself

   Just a Christmas reminder. Buy your kids a big pack of batteries and attach a card that says "Toys not Included".

   Bad reaction to medication. I will never buy my meds from the trunk of a Buick again!

   Boy goes to a strip club; His mom gets angry and asks him: "did you see anything there that you were not supposed to see?"; Boy: ''yes I saw Dad

   Trump has decided to build a wall around the FBI Building.

   Gotta listen to the little man inside. The little man knows all. Unless, your little man is an idiot.

   game over