Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   It's just another day in down turn economy with a rising unemployment rate....but other than that it's paradise...

   Words. They can arouse. They can make you laugh, and make you cry. But if you find the one who can heal you with words, never let them go.

   I just came across a "R.I.P. Bin Ladin" page, uhh more like R.I.H. for Rot In Hell

   A new tape huh? Man,not only is Osama the Jordan of hide and seek,he's the tupac of terrorism.

   If the rabbit was named "Rabbit", the piglet was named "Piglet", and the owl was named "Owl", why wasn't Christopher Robin named "Dude"?

   $9.99 sounds fair enough coz $10 is an outrageous amount of money.

   if I want to commit suicide , all I would do is jump from your 'EGO' to your ' IQ Level'.

   The criminals on Scooby Doo suck! A bunch of teenage stoners and a DOG just solved your crime. I think you need a new line of work my friend

   flagging your girlfriend offside when she leaves the kitchen. a typical valentines day procedure.

   and on a positive note today is Taco Tuesday!!

   getting a tat of your kids faces is a great idea, as you get saggy and wrinkly it creates a free age progression for them

   Go ahead and play "hard to get"...I'll be over here playing "don't give a s$it"

   I'm not what nature intended.

   Heard the guy trying on skinny jeans & telling the assistant he's married. Not sure why he got offended when I asked "who's the lucky guy?"

   Am I the only one who can't remember anyone's birthday without facebook?

   You had me at "You f*cking weirdo" just before you shut your window curtains

   Some people look at a mousetrap and just see a trap for a mouse. Some of us look and see free cheese and a challenge.

   I think I may be getting too old for a holiday metro vest and skinny jeans....Which most likely explains the weird looks I was getting when I split my pants while shopping at Hot Topic!

   Some people carry a yoga mat, which says a lot about them. I carry a placemat, which says a lot about me.

   There's always a ho or a rumour that ruins every relationship