Marshall the Great Funny Status Messages

   If me and you are ever in an argument and it becomes obvious that I am clearly wrong.... plz don't gloat.... just ask the guy with the eye patch!

   I'm not saying we ought to misbehave, but we should at least look as though we could.

   Let's take turns going crazy. You first.

   if dogs could talk theyd prolly talk a lot about shoes

   Your ex will leave you, talk bad about you, act like they never knew you, miss you, hit you up and wonder why you don't reply... F*CK YOU

   Hurricane Irene threatens the East Coast of USA. If MTV won't cancel Jersey Shore, God will.

   If you had to die, this would be the best way... Clint Eastwood shooting you while Morgan Freeman narrates it.

   I bet if Einstein had Facebook to waste time with he wouldn't have been all like smart and stuff.

   You are living proof God for sure had lazy days.

   If you're dating someone, you really shouldn't give a sh*t what anyone who's not in your relationship thinks about it.

   If I were rich I wouldn't be shaking this ketchup bottle so hard. :/

   I've been embraced by reality... does anyone know how to make it let go?

   "This isn't what it looks like" almost ALWAYS means "This is exactly what it looks like." Just sayin'...

   So, I've been told hard work is the key to success, but I'm not above picking a lock every now and then.

   Mud, Dirt, Poop, Grease and crude oil baby! Okay, I'm done talking dirty... let's have sex....

   I'm not sure where I went wrong officer. I was only taught "left and right". Is there a blinker thing on here for wrong turns?

   Excuses: Elementary School - "He started it!" Middle School - "It was a dare!" High School - "I was drunk."

   Two billion years of evolution and that's what you come up with?

   ‎654 women were admitted into the hospital, and 542 died with a heart attack! Now tell me who in the hell spreaded the rumor that I'm getting married? x(

   I am scared... Someday I might just catch flames automatically... Being so hot an all... ;)