Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   What is it about a car that makes people think we can’t see them pick their nose?

   .... Hmmmmm .... I wonder if you pressure your child into becoming a drug addicted, alcoholic gang banger, ...... if they will disappoint you and become a doctor?

   Can you honor Maya Angelou by not pretending that you knew much about her?

   When a guy says he's looking for a "Country Girl" that doesn't mean he's looking for a girl that's been plowed more times then the family farm. 🐽🐮

   All your shirts claim that you "live to ride"....however, the odometer on your bike parked in your garage determined that was a lie.

   I asked my wife what women really want, she said attentive lovers. Or maybe she said "a tent of lovers." I wasn't really listening.

   I think I've mastered the art of walking around the parking lot for an hour pretending not to be looking for my car

   Please don't mistake me asking you how you are doing for me wanting to know how you are doing.

   With all this talk of adding Puerto Rico as the 51st state, I feel like our new goal number should be 53 states. A prime number.... "One nation, indivisible..."

   200 mllion guns, 2 trillion rounds of ammo. If we were a problem, YOU WOULD KNOW.

   If your election lasts more than 4 days you should consult a physician.

   .... All Lives Matter ..... Well .... Except: terrorists, rapists, child molesters, cop killers & anybody who hates America. Screw those those people!

   All Trump has to do is legalize weed and all them protesters will be like,"he ain't that bad after all." :)

   Heck .... Joy Villa should at least receive a Best Dressed award at the Grammy's!!!

   The weather is going to be 99 and hazy today .. kind of like Bernie Sanders!

   I don't remember watching the MLK assassination on television. We didn't have colored TV.

   Dear young Americans, (age group 18-25) please continue to post pictures of you partying and drinking, (some of you underage). It will make it easier for a future employer to decide whether to hire you or not

   If Bruce Jenner can keep his weiner and be considered a woman, I can keep my guns and be considered unarmed.

   It has become crystal clear why he thinks Hun ter is the smartest person he knows.

   plans on dressing up as Kanye West for Halloween and just before the kids yell "Trick or Treat", jump out of the bushes and yell "Christmas is better".