Marshall the Great Funny Status Messages

   If I have to endure another day where Facebook doesn't work and is constantly disappointing me, I might have to start dating it.

   Facebook-stalking my future ex-girlfriend.

   I hate when reality stomps its filthy feet all over my happy place.

   Someone from Facebook Design should write about why they made the news feed font smaller. I just want to understand why.

   I wish I could get as excited about anything as the dog does about going for a ride.

   "Lol" is not a message worth replying to.

   You know that movie where the guy needs to keep his adrenaline level up or he dies? My weekend was just like that, except the opposite.

   Just bought someone I don't really like something they don't really need. But I saved 10 bucks!!

   Why is a woman's fantasy a man who can read their minds? If we could, how would you manage to trick us into thinking you're aren't crazy?

   Right now I feel like that one fry that somehow ends up in the onion rings.

   When picking out a name for your kid make sure it's something you won't mind saying a BILLION times.

   I struggle every time someone says "I want the truth" not to tell them "you can't handle the truth!"

   I have deja moo... the feeling I have heard this bull before.

   I cheated on my fears, broke up with my doubts, got engaged to my faith and now I'm marrying my dreams.

   I don't take anything you say seriously. You're just an idiot who has internet access.

   My phone automatically wants to check me into every bar we pass! I guess this thing really is a smartphone.

   All the memories of my ex fall under the "What was I thinking!!" catagory... just like the night I chased tequilla with vodka!

   I wish I could have an out of body experience... especially when it's time to go to work.

   Why do Mexicans wear "sombreros?" Where else would they put their tacos while stealing your hub caps?

   In the strange event that you are buying condoms. Make sure they say 'bareskin' and not 'bearskin' trust me on this one.