BEGO Funny Status Messages

   I remember as a teenager I used to kill myself getting to a ringing telephone... Now I don't even have the ringer on.

   My Life: Wake up, Survive, Sleep.

   WebMD needs to add the question “Have you eaten Taco Bell today?” when asking about stomach-related symptoms.

   Pandora: *skip* *skip* *skip* *skip* *skip* *skip* runs out of skips.. *changes station*

   DOCTORS WRITING: "﹏﹏ ﹏﹏ ﹏﹏." HOW I SEE IT: "∮₪₮￦￡." HOW THE PHARMACIST SEES IT: "Aspirin."

   Facebook account for sale, Friends included

   Be tender to the young, compassionate to the aged, tolerant with the weak. For in your life you will be all of these.

   Occasionally, I like to take a look through my old status updates and smile smugly at my sparkling wit.

   The older I get, the more I think I owe my parents an apology...

   How do homeless people always seem to get the shopping cart that has all four good wheels?

   I don't hate you, I'm just not necessarily excited about your existence.

   I do everything faster when I have to pee.

   The only thing worse than girls going after the "Bad Boy" is today's perception of what a Bad Boy is.

   Everyone thinks that girls dream about finding the perfect guy, pssht we dream about eating whatever we want and not getting fat!

   Whenever I see someone running in normal clothes, I immediately assume something is wrong.

   Why do the people in front of me at the ATM always seems to be having some sort of damn major financial crisis?

   Some people can ruin how attractive they are by doing this weird thing with their mouth... it's called "talking"

   I just burned 1200 calories.I forgot the pizza in the oven

   Your duty as a best friend is to LIKE my Facebook posts even if they suck

   Facebook would be much more interesting if they let you decide, which part of the body you wanna Poke.