Marshall the great Funny Status Messages

   My girlfriend had auto correct long before iPhone.

   I went to the blockbuster store... and saw a caveman sitting in the corner trying to make fire by rubbing two VHS tapes together.

   It takes 17 muscles to smile but it only takes 1 finger to show the world how you feel.

   We used a blow up doll for a raft one time. You should have seen the looks on the parents faces. It was awesome. Giddyup!

   I was walking down a street today and I found a wallet, and I was gonna keep it, rather than return it, but I thought.. "Well, if I lost a hundred and fifty dollars, how would I feel?" And I realized I would want to be taught a lesson!

   "Hahaha, nice!" = "I'd like you to stop talking to me now."

   The text message is the new greeting card, but without any hope that there will be money inside.

   Oh I can see by your Four Square there that you just checked into Target. Be sure to notify us all when you check into therapy.

   When I “rage against the machine” the machine is usually a printer.

   You ladies lied to me. Showing more thigh and accentuating my cleavage got me a trip to the HR office not a raise.

   Just donated my body to science. I'm your problem now, science and I could use some hot wings and beer.

   I offered a bum a ride this morning but she refused to get in the trunk. You just can't help some people.

   I'm so glad my car has that alarm for when I don't have my seatbelt on that reminds me to turn my radio up.

   Monday,.. that better not be your ugly ass I see peeking around the corner!

   With all the talent in America it looks like they could have found someone with it to host and judge the show...

   I hope Karma punches you in the face before I do.

   Wanna show your wife who's boss? Get her a mirror.

   A lion would never cheat on his wife, but a tiger wood.

   I can see movies at any time, I'd rather have BOOZE on demand...

   Well, Just crossed something else off my bucket list. I didn't do it I just got to damn old to do it.