Funny Status Messages
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Does anyone remember when gas was $1.09? Yeah neither do I. 
Your girlfriend is Rated E for "EVERYONE"
One of God's greatest pranks would be to leave Rihanna behind as the 'only girl in the world' on saturday.
If there is any time to pay attention, it is while typing grandfather clocks into an image search.
I found out today that you could group your friends on Facebook and name the group whatever you want, however I didn't know it would send the people notifications saying that I added them to the, "People I've screwed" group. Really sorry guys.
just because you take a picture of a lawn chair, make it black and white, and write 'Summer 09' on it doesn't make you an artist.
I believe in taking the bull by the horns. Then I believe in steering it in the direction of whoever is bugging me.
Oh God! Please teach me to appreciate what I have, before time forces me to appreciate what I had
Flavor Flav turns 51 today. He'll spend a quiet day at home, still resting up after a weekend of moving all his clocks forward.
I told my wife I wanted breakfast in bed in the morning. She said go sleep in the kitchen.
it's beginning to look a lot like Christmas...no money, pretty stressed, freezing cold and running nose!
Women never hated a man enough to give him his diamonds back
why are women known as sex objects? Everytime you want to have sex, they object!!
thinks you should get compensated for every popcorn kernel that doesn't pop in every bag of popcorn
Life has no remote. Get up and change it yourself.
Electricity off?... Check. Doors and windows unlocked?... Check. Knives, Chainsaws, Machettes sharpened?... Double Check!! HAPPY HALLOWEEN
I wonder if Halloween is like a night off for prostitutes, since so many women are dressed like that, who can tell who's the real deal?
Do you realize that in about 40-50 years, nursing homes will be filled with old ladies with tramp stamps over their butts? I don't want to even think about the piercings.
Do I got stupid written on my wall..
it just me or does anyone else translate the sticker "Student Driver" as "Please Screw With Me"...?????? 