fadolo Funny Status Messages

   I got robbed tonight at Shell. I called the cops & they asked if I knew who did it I said "Yeah, pump 6."

   There's got to be an easier way to get vodka into a Capri Sun.

   Who else still thinks they have super powers, but they just don't know how to activate them yet?

   The biggest difference between men and women is what comes to mind when the word "facial" is used.

   If someone is bothering you with unneccessary calls to your cell number, post their number on eBay with the ad "iPhone 5S for $1 only"

   The closest I've gotten to murder is holding cookies under the milk until the bubbles stopped.

   I hate it when I buy a hamster at the pet store, and it grows huge, becomes a rapper and steals my KIA...

   I wonder if the clothes in China say "made around the corner "

   Gas prices are about $3.95 a gallon and females still think guys are coming over to just "CHILL"

   If a car in front of me is driving slow, I move to the side a little so the cars behind me can see I'm not causing the traffic

   gdfdyddhfjhsglqtpgng MACARENA gfsfjkdhkwgjldhlasgjebhhf MACARENA dhshjfdhjfbfjhgnnnnbbnh MACARENA EEEEEEEEHH MACARENA

   Went over to my hippie neighbor's house and asked for a pot holder, and he came out with a sandwich bag. Note to self: New best friend

   Dear guy that invented the metal wires, screws and clips that hold kids toys to the cardboard packaging with a death grip: I HOPE YOU DIE.

   Birthdays then- 'Wow! Look at all these presents!' ... Birthdays now- 'Wow! Look at all these notifications!'

   I always wondered what the job application is like at Hooters.. do they just give you a bra and say, "here fill this out"..?

   If you don't use 1:11, 2:22 or 3:33 when starting the microwave you have yet to unlock my level of laziness.

   Pretty sure I know what my GF is getting me for Christmas. When I guessed, "a threesome?" she got all angry like I'd ruined the surprise.

   RIP to the millions of people who die every day and don't get recognized

   Girls who say, "a lot of guys are after me", should keep in mind that low prices always attract many customers.

   Nothing pisses me off more than going through a Drive-Thru with someone who says they don't want anything, then they start to eat your fries