Zack Funny Status Messages

   I propose we add a new day to the week and call it "Someday," just think of all the awesome stuff that would happen on it.

   Auto correct can go straight to He'll

   ‎(_8(l) - D'oh!

   So I wanted to publicly apologize for not doing the ice bucket challenge for everyone that nominated me. I don't give money to charity, unless she is on stage B at 11:30.

   Spilled a my redbull on my phone this morning, now my phone wont come out of airplane mode

   Hamburger Helper only works if the hamburger is ready to accept that it needs help.

   I wonder if everybody is still Kung Fu fightng.

   ┌П┐(◕‿◕) ┌П┐

   Another successful year no random father's day cards in the mail!!!

   Happy 15th birthday google, 3 more years and you will be able to search for adult sites legally

   thinking...we would all be naked right now if it wasn't for that darn apple!

   I pay a lot of money to get that vanilla/coco butter smell in my car. I want hookers to feel welcome, not like they're stepping into a death trap.

   Women may never understand the enjoyment from putting a warm coffee mug between their legs in the morning. ‪#‎warmnuts

   With great power comes a great electric bill.

   a super hero, with NO powers of motivation.

   In soviet Russia, bacon loves you.

   Every time you lick a 9 volt, battery, you lick every person that's licked that 9 volt battery.

   If zombie's were dyslexic everyone named Brian would be in trouble

   Can anyone tell me how to become a illegal immigrant, their benefits are undeniably more superior to our own.

   When love is not madness... it is not love.