Missy Funny Status Messages

   Some day's should come with a warning label: Today's gonna suck, so bring alcohol.

   Im sorry I hurt your feelings when I called you stupid ... I really thought you already knew!

   You can always tell if a guy masturbates a lot by looking at his hands. If you look closely, you'll see a wedding ring.

   If I had a cooking show, it would be called Do You Smell Something Burning?

   I'm not really marriage material... since I still have hopes and dreams.

   Hand Sanitizer: Helping us discover paper cuts we never knew we had

   Pregnancy- The number 1 cause of arranged marriages

   I am willing to promise my kids anything just so they go away for a while. I learned that trick from the government.

   My magic watch say's you don't have any underwear on... Oh, you do?... It must be 15 minutes fast.

   if I want to commit suicide , all I would do is jump from your 'EGO' to your ' IQ Level'.

   If I ran the country, things would be a lot better. Well…for me anyway

   I'm great in bed, I can sleep for days!

   If I said something to offend you .. tell me... I may want to use it again:)

   Feisty & Non compliant, can I get a behavior plan over here?

   "I LOVE getting up this early!" - Nobody

   When finding someone to date, drinking compatibility is more important than you think

   Condoms are cheaper than diapers, remember that:)

   Misunderstandings happen when one person is clearly stupid.

   Just because I missed you, doesn't mean I wished you were there!

   This is how my week goes: Mooooooooooooonday Tuuuuuuuuuuuuesday Weeeeeeeeeeednesday Thuuuuuuuuuuursday FriSatSun.