Jeffafa Funny Status Messages

   I wonder if Miley Cyrus's foam finger will be sold on Ebay? Pretty sure there will have to be a disclosure stating "Warning: Smells Like Shame"

   There’s a thin line between “I should do a joke about that” and “I should talk to my therapist about that”

   To all the Moms: "Happy Mothers Day"! And to all the Dads: "Happy Sunday.. Mother Fu€Kers"!!

   I just found an old box of condoms in my dresser, than I noticed the "use by" date....... As if I'm not under enough pressure! It's been a slow year.

   We have a new Pope! I'm just waiting for Kanye West to jump out on the balcony and interrupt!

   According to my calculations, 2025 is going to be the best year ever - I will finally run out of Conditioner the same time as the Shampoo, It's the little things in life I tell ya!

   When my daughter grows up, I'm going to start reading her Facebook status's before bedtime. Just so she understands the importance of staying in school!

   I think homeless people would have more money for food if they didn't spend it all on black markers, cardboard signs and collection cups.....

   Now would be the best time for the Pope to make a Harlem Shake Video!

   Remember that Ex that we all thought we’d never get over? What's her name again?

   "All guys are the same!" Well you should know, You tried them all!!

   I went to a club and they played “The Twist”, I did the twist. They played “Jump”, I jumped. They played “Come on Eileen”…well, I got kicked out for that one.

   I really don't need a girlfriend.... Facebook always ask what I’m thinking, Twitter's asking me what I’m doing, and Foursquare is always asking me where I'm at. All I need to do is find a way to have the Internet make me a sandwich!

   Well this morning I woke up in a box under my tree... I guess I should of been more specific when I told Santa "I want the sexiest person alive for Christmas"!

   it just me or are Dating sites costing more than a date now? I just want to go back to the day of throwing a rock and dragging her off her feet.

   Women check me out all the time!! I'm pretty selective on which lane I go to when leaving a store.

   Would it be wrong of me to ask my Priest to install Wi-Fi in our Church?

   I was excited about spending some time on my treadmill this morning, but I don't know where I put my roller-blades. ugh.

   I LOVE putting on underwear fresh out of the dryer. They're so warm and cozy! I HATE when the lady in the laundromat tries to take them back! :(

   My new pick-up line: "I have a full tank of gas!"