LEMONPILLOW Funny Status Messages

   I identify as a donkey. My pronouns are Hee/Haw.

   it's a jungle out there and I ain't lion!

   The spider in my shower was probably relieved to get washed down the drain after the view of me he got from that angle.

   Reasons people claim to be gay: 3% - are actually gay 97% - forgot to log out of facebook

   Life is like a p*nis, it's short but it seems so long when it gets hard.

   I hear someone's going around stealing all the coffee from the poor. I don't know how he can sleep at night,

   I Googled "Gary Oldman" and got some pretty disturbing images - he's really let himself go, I thought. Then I realised I'd left the "R" out.

   Watching MTV Cribs makes me feel better about downloading music from the internet.

   I must be allergic to peanuts. I break into a rash every payday.

   Trying to find your phone when its on silent is one of life`s hardest tasks.