Keith Albert Funny Status Messages

   If the first thing you see after you die is a handbasket, check your undershorts for kerosene.

   I know the exact day I gave up following the path of least resistance. It's on my birth certificate.

   I yawn and you assume I quit listening. Truth be told, I was never listening.

   Amy Winehouse joins the Forever 27 Club. When does Lady Gaga turn 27?

   Why is 4/21 National Employer Random Drug Testing Day?

   The word "Excellent" has many meanings. For example, if a man were to shoot his Grandmother at a range of five hundred yards, I would call him an "excellent" shot, but I don't think that's what Bill and Ted meant by "Be Excellent to each other!"

   I will never go Bungee Jumping. Put all your faith in a piece of Rubber? I got here because of its failure and I don't plan on giving it a chance to take me out!