@jhennezzey Funny Status Messages

   Calories: Tiny creatures that live in your closet and sew your clothes a little tighter each

   The awesome moment when you're telling a lie and your best friend notices and joins you

   I use to be good at math, until they added the alphabet

   Hell hath no fury like a woman slightly inconvenienced.

   Have you noticed that the "&" symbol looks like a guy dragging his ass across the floor?