Kisstopher707 Funny Status Messages

   We've never met or spoken in person, so why should I be offended by your worthless opinion internet stranger?

   If you need me, I'd be surprised.

   If they ever start handing out medals for not participating in anything, that might be my moment to shine.

   How are we supposed to cure cancer when we can't even find a cure for selfies?

   You know who else says I'M FINE when they are clear not fine? Satan

   Coworker: I saw you at Starbucks this morning but didn't say hi Me: Thanks

   Only reason I’m here is to find a trustworthy babysitter.

   Alcohol? Yes. Feelings? No.

   Complicated, for two please.

   Kindness, compassion, open mindedness, and unconditional love. That's my religion.

   When I die people are going to be like "wait... I thought he already died like a decade ago?"

   The most interesting thing about me is my lack of interest.

   Lets not judge a whole race by the actions of one mad man. Race generalization must stop.

   I've outsourced my LIKES, Birthday wishes and comments on your post and pics to a firm in India. So if Sanjay isn't showing you enough love, please let me know right away.

   How much for the girlfriend? Sir that's a bottle of Vodka.

   Blind belief is so often the death of reason.

   I still think I'm in my 20s sometimes...until I try to do something like I'm in my 20s.

   Whenever I want to lift my spirits, I use a shot of whiskey.

   eating something immediately after brushing your teeth must be part of the things you do during recruitment as a terrorist.

   This is the worst carnival ever. I can't believe they blocked the street off for this. Sir, this is a crime scene.