Eddy Funny Status Messages

   pro tip: go to men's warehouse. try on a suit. take a selfie. say the suit isnt what you want & give it back. you just got a free picture of you looking good in a nice suit.

   automatic doors make me feel like a jedi

   maybe they should do like a Hunger Games city version....Ferguson vs Baltimore

   those E-cigarettes plug into USB so when they run out of their fluid & get empty have they been "formatted"?

   i only have 1 question for Bruce Jenner. after he becomes woman, will he change his name to "Jenny Brucer" ?

   happy 4/20 ......smoke it if you got it

   the boss keeps talking about a company 401 k ..... I don't think I can run that far

   My ex is great with a pole.... I have the bruises to prove it

   I've thought of becoming vegetarian but I can never find any bacon seeds for the garden

   thanks to Netflix I can tell my doctor I've done a lot of "marathons"

   to the lady in the office complaining about her man.... you can't spell MANAGEMENT without MANAGE MEN. if you can't manage 1 guy don't expect a promotion to be in charge of 10 men

   Single Awareness Day ..... it's a S.A.D. day

   there's no "I" in "we" ....unless you're a gamer #Wii

   in another 40 years, i'll have a set of patriot balls

   i wonder why all 3 insurance companies don't combine & call themselves "Alstate Farm Bureau"

   some people are like push-up bras....they make a mountain out of a mole hill

   I thought of going Amish once....I didn't have the WHEEL POWER to do it

   spoon + fork = spork whisk + knife = wife ....they can stir things up & kill you

   somewhere there a stoner watching the news hearing about Ebola & they ask "a bowl of what"

   *gets can of compressed air & cleans inside computer*....all my friends are online so I just gave all my friends a blow job