Funny Status Messages

   I was worried my notifications had stopped working but luckily I’m just unpopular.

   I'm okay with knowing that no one thinks I am as funny as I know I am.

   Next time I open up to someone is my autopsy.

   A hacker has deleted Despacito from YouTube. The world is a slightly better place.

   U failed Physics chemistry in High school and now you have the guts to comment with 'K' on my posts.What exactly do you know about *Potassium*....?

   It's a bad day to be a witch.

   Why is it called "Planned Parenthood"? Since they provide birth control and abortions it should be called "Prevent Parenthood".

   Why does the MSM keep referring to the Parkland shooting as a "senseless tragedy"? I mean, come on. Is there any such thing as a "sensible tragedy"? It's a tragedy; just leave it at that.

   One thing that I have noticed about conspiracy theories is that they all depend on the government perpetrators being endlessly clever. I think you'll find that most government perpetrators are endlessly stupid.

   Back in our days a Teacher leaving the class for a few minutes was the original Harlem Shake

   At first it was "Okay" and then "ok" and now "k" and soon it will disappear and you`ll all regret it

   I decided to weigh myself this morning when the scale said "Lo". I was ready to get all excited when I realized it just mean the battery! Ugh

   Planning a wedding with your fiancee is good practice for divorce

   M.A.G.A: My Attorney Got Arrested

   I want to find a lawyer that makes $130,000 payments on my behalf, for things I never did, and he doesn't ask for repayment. Amazing.

   Notice when Obama was president, spring always came on time? Just saying......

   I turned out ok for a kid raised in large part by Bugs Bunny.

   If there's one person on the planet capable of rejecting President Trump's requests (without enduring the wrath of his Twitter fury), it's Melania Trump.

   I love it when people knocks on my door. It gives me an excuse to use my guns.

   Sometimes I just want to be taken seriously; other times I just want to be taken, seriously.