Funny Status Messages

   After the US, UK, and France's attack on Syria, I propose a name change to the capital city from Damascus to DamnAssKicked.

   Does refusing to go to the gym count as resistance training?

   Shout out to pizza and sunglasses for being the only thing left to be sold out of huts.

   A study says we only use 12% of our brain. Just think how intelligent we would be if we used the other 70%.

   Woman aks pharmacy clerk if they sold extra large comdoms. Clerk said yes, would like a pack? No she replied. But I'd like to wait here untill someone does.

   When we were kids my sister played with dolls and I played with soldiers. Now it's the other way round.

   There's a woman on my train whispering her texts as she types them and now we all know that kevin might have herpes.

   I panicked when they asked me to come up with a cool and sexy stripper name. So if you head over to the strip club, ask for Deborah.

   Sex with me is like riding a bike. You never forget it and if you’re doing it you probably don’t have a car, a job, or any dignity.

   The way the CNN channel distorts the news they should change their name to Cannot be NEWS :)

   Interrsting Fact: If Hillary owned a building which caught on fire and killed a man, because there were no sprinkler systems in the building, people here would go through the roof.

   Welcome to Assumption club I think we all know why we're here...

   Sometimes I sit down and wonder what kind of life i’d be living if my parents were really rich.

   Homophobia is the fear of someone getting laid the way you would not like them to.

   How can one know what someone is doing when that someone does not know what they're doing

   I told you people that Russia was up to no good. But nooooooo, you people wanted to be friends with them for some strange, idiotic reason.

   * The older I get the earlier it gets late.

   Zuckerberg - the only time this year we've seen somebody apologise, and it wasn't for sexual harrasment!

   Give a man a beer and he will entertain you. Hold a man's beer and it will show up on YouTube.

   At this point, the only guy on the internet that I trust with my personal data is that Nigerian Prince.